It's funny, when I started this Countdown, I knew that it was going to be challenging, but I expected to enjoy every moment, or every other moment, anyway. Instead I am finding that it is bringing out a lot of interesting emotions that wouldn't necessarily be described as enjoyable! For example, I have already mentioned how it has been difficult for me to focus on my reading list. That has been frustrating to me. And I have not actually posted nearly as often as I had originally planned, even though now I am not working full-time, which bothers me a lot. Why haven't I? I had to give that some thought.
I am reading a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (also NOT on the book list), and I think that I may have gained a small insight into why my enthusiasm has waned a little bit. A) I don't feel like I am doing ENOUGH (whatever enough might be) towards my Countdown...therefore B) I don't have ENOUGH to write about on a regular basis; and C) What if it all sounds dumb anyway?! I really hate to fail...or even have a "perceived" failure.
What a bunch of hooey.
The irony is that I DO have things to write about, (I'll try not to write about them ALL right here)...and even if I'm not the most eloquent of writers, my posts are heartfelt. It is hard to embrace the process, and not focus just on the outcome, but that really is what this whole experiment is about. Not JUST about checking things off a list, but about the challenge of growing as a person. And part of growth is to stop fearing what may or may not be considered "failure", and to simply take something away with me from every experience. I've had some practice at that. And THAT is something I can write about every single day.
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